That’s basically what this community is for, tho.

But it’s not though. It’s to hold people accountable for abusive behavior as a moderator/admin.

This is a community in the spirit of “Am I The Asshole” where people can post their own bans from lemmy or reddit or whatever and get some feedback from others whether the ban was justified or not. Sometimes one just wants to be able to challenge the arguments some mod made and this could be the place for that.

So if I understand you right—you’re saying that if I hadn’t mentioned the rules or the possibility of a ban, you would have been more willing to ease off

My point is that if you had just requested me to not say bro I would have raised an eyebrow and thought the request was dumb but I would have done it. The second you brought up moderator actions it stopped being a request from one user to another and started being a warning from a moderator to a user. At that point you also lost some expectation to privacy as a lot of moderation stuff on Lemmy is public for a reason. To help things either be held accountable or for users to know what type of moderation is going to be in an area so they can make a decision on whether or not they want to stay there.

It is bugging the hell out of me though that you still aren’t getting my problem with all of this. You banned me for posting the screenshot of something that you were willing to say publicly and, evidently, had previously said publicly. Nothing in that message you sent me was private. Nothing was something you hadn’t said publicly or wasn’t willing to say again. Which means the entire banning of me for that was insanely petty or a decision to apply a rule unilaterally and without nuance. In either case? I stand by the post and just about everything else I’ve said in this thread and I have nothing further to add.

What I meant was: it was a private message asking you not to use language I personally find uncivil.

Which was thrown out the window the second you mentioned moderator actions. At that point it stopped being a message between two users and started being a message between a user and a moderator. If you hadn’t mentioned any moderator stuff, yeah. I would have disagreed with your assessment but I would have respected it and removed the word bro from my comment. But you escalated it by saying “If you keep doing this, then I will do this”. You made it worse. You prepared for the worst and then told me what that preparation would be. If we’re talking about things we find personally insulting or offensive, that’s one of them for me. That means that you’re automatically assuming that I’m going to disregard you and feel the need to back up the words with a stick.

The message was private, and when it was posted publicly it turned into conflict.

No, you turned it into a conflict when you said “Stop doing it or else”. Moreover, you were speaking as a moderator and clarifying the rules. A clarification you have made public elsewhere. There was nothing in that screenshot that was private when you were DMing it to everyone else when people were downvoting you.

What I did see was the screenshot posted publicly, which then brought in a wave of harassment.

Right. It couldn’t have been you DMing everyone saying “Don’t downvote me or else”. It was my screenshot. Not the fact that the post on /c/asklemmy that you’ve mentioned in this thread was posted by someone else and had this screenshot:

That would imply that it was YOUR behavior that brought upon the wave of harassment, not my own. So I utterly reject this notion that my screenshot was responsible for your petty behavior. You initiated it amongst others. Moreover, you unbanned THAT dude because you said it was a mistake. Yet you’re doubling down on me. Moreover, no one saw my screenshot who didn’t see your comment at the same time. Your comment was downvoted to low hell on its own well before I added that screenshot.

Fair enough on the DMs though and the piefed error. I’ll keep that in mind for myself too.

Just to be clear—you weren’t banned for saying “bro.” The issue was that a private message was taken and posted publicly.

Which is a nonsense stance to take. You sent me a moderator message clarifying how you took the rules. I posted that screenshot. That’s it. Which means that a stance you are willing to make public is what you’re banning me over. That is it. You said you didn’t want to shame me in public and if that’s true then me posting the message that is supposedly shaming me is my own prerogative. And, once again, this is a stance that you took as a moderator. You then banned me because I made your stance public. The rest of this doesn’t matter. The bro thing is irrelevant. It’s set dressing.

The issue boils down to the fact that you privately made it clear how you stood on the word bro. I made that publicly clear so others could know because I felt it was a silly way to apply that rule. You then banned for that. Meaning that you banned me for making your own stance publicly clear. There was nothing else in that screenshot other than how you were going to apply the rule to the word bro. Ergo, there should have been zero issue with me making that clear to others so they could avoid breaking that rule. You overreacted.

I want you to actually explain to me why what I did was wrong and worth banning.

I got into it as my go-to when I was modding more often. The modlog on the profile is super handy. Also it just looks clean as hell

To be honest, I’m not sure what exactly I’d be apologizing for.

Here’s a couple things. I don’t expect apologies for each one, or apologies at all, I am merely demonstrating things that could be apologized for.

1. Sending out multiple DMs to people policing their downvotes of your comment

2. Banning me for clarifying your own stance of the rules

3. Banning multiple people for downvoting

Locking down the community? That makes sense considering the shit you were given, unfairly I might add, by people who were taking things way too fucking far.

either as a way to dismiss me (as OP even admitted)

It was less a dismissal of you and more of the wording of the post. Typically its just a colloquial way of saying “Hold up and reconsider because this is… strange”. Can it be used worse than that? Sure. But you never asked for clarification or anything. You immediately went to my DMs and said “This is personally offensive and insulting and violates the rule of be civil.” You never asked how I meant it. You made an instant assumption.

But none of that matters. The reason this post was made was because you banned me for posting that screenshot in my comment but the only thing that screenshot said was your stance on the word bro! SOMETHING YOU’RE NOW PUBLICLY SAYING! Like I did nothing wrong. At all. You came into my DMs using your stance as a moderator. That’s no longer a private communication between two individuals, thats you as a moderator flexing your position and saying “Do this or else”. My response was “Fine then I’ll leave but here is why I disagree.” You then responded to my DM (Which throws everything about your point of Piefed.social not allowing you to get responses into question) saying why you disagreed. All of that is fine. It’s just you making your stance on the rules clear. Why is me making that stance public such a problem?

The fact that people now throw “bro” at me in unrelated threads only reinforces my point—it’s being used to harass, not to build friendship.

Trying to outlaw the word bro will only backfire because people will just say it more. Moreover, it’s such a commonly used word that like… you’re going to have to just get over. Like I cannot stand when people use certain turns of phrase and find them personally aggravating but I’m not going to go out of my way to threaten someone with moderator action, DM multiple people about their downvotes and then ban someone for clarifying my own position.

I reached out to you privately because I was hoping we could sort things out between ourselves instead of it spilling into public

No. You reached out to me to say “Don’t call me bro because I find it personally insulting and if you continue to do so then I will take moderator action against you”. I disagreed with that assessment and then said that due to that disagreement that I wasn’t going to engage with your community any further. That was it. I then added the context of the screenshot so that others would know where you stood on that position. You then banned me for posting that screenshot.

Everything else after this was due to the fact that you banned me for posting a screenshot of your own stance on your own rules. If you were trying to sort things out between us then you did a pretty bad of job of it considering you threatened me. You could asked politely and I would have no issue. You could have made that message public and I also would have had no real issue other than “Okay… fine.” and then left. But because I posted that screenshot, you banned me.

I just wish we’d had the chance to work toward some common ground together. I really do believe we could have found a better way forward.

Again, all I did was post that screenshot and say I wasn’t going to engage further. You then banned me for that. You escalated this from what was just a disagreement into questionable moderator behavior. That questionable behavior is what had this post made.

Unfortunately, private messaging on piefed.social is broken right now—I can send messages, but I can’t receive replies.

So why did you respond to my DM then? Like there are screenshots in the above post showing you responding…

By mischaracterizing what they said and did

I did absolutely no such thing.

which could have been resolved if you didn’t decide to be an asshole about it.

Yes, if I didn’t make a post saying “Hey this dude is abusing his position” then nothing would happened. Correct.

And come on now, don’t pretend you’re dense enough to believe that I was doing anything but jesting about actually using that as a logo…

Considering how antagonistic you’re being against me here? No. I don’t.

I’m not continuing this with you.

Yeah, you’ve successfully bullied someone who has issues getting the right tone into closing their community with misinterpretation and dogpiling

Don’t appreciate this being flung at me when I’m out here actively criticizing people who’ve bullied them. All I did was call out moderator behavior. Especially when you were on my Jordan Lund post suggesting that we use someones personal photo as the communities avatar.

Still don’t want people to use my particular post as a jumping off point to give him shit for that. Especially if he’s reverting bans. Like maybe he shouldn’t have the community, Idk. I didn’t find him important enough to bother doing a real deep dive into his shit of. I just don’t want to be the reason for bullying I guess. I hate myself enough as it is.

I still feel like a dick for the part that I played in this. I didn’t want to brigade him. I didn’t want to bully him. I just wanted to make a post that called out his terrible moderation style in this moment. Keep seeing people who are like commenting bro on random things of his and that’s not what I want of this social platform. People can make mistakes and people can disagree. People can fuck up. The problem is when they double down and insist that they have nothing wrong with that and continue to do the same thing. If this dude continues to do the same thing over and over again, then yeah, I stand by the position that he is a terrible person to be in charge of community. However, he has done this on one occasion so far. Granted, he did a bunch of stupid shit in this one moment, but stress can have that happen to a person. I don’t blame him for this entirely. People are allowed to make mistakes. Maybe he made one. But if everybody keeps dogs piling on him and making this worse for him, it’s not going to allow him to see this in any way other than him being bullied. And to be honest, in a certain extent, that will be a correct way of seeing this. I want people to be able to learn from mistakes and grow and be better. I can’t say I always do that, and I definitely make a ton of mistakes. But I want to treat this dude how I would hope people would treat me. None of my comments here show me wanting to go after this dude any more than just calling this behavior out. I didn’t even recommend anything happen. This wasn’t like Jordan, where I was like, oh my god, did this guy must be gone! It was just, hey look, this behavior is suspect.

That being said, I haven’t looked into this guy any further than this. I don’t know what else is going on, but I don’t want my one single post to be a reason for him being bullied over the word Bro. Since making this post, I’ve heard a couple of different complaints about them, but nothing I’ve heard has been extremely egregious, just maybe a bit of a dick occasionally. Maybe that shows a pattern where maybe he needs somebody else to help him out or maybe he shouldn’t be in charge of a community or whatever else But giving him shit over the word bro here and banning me from a community for 74 years that I will never comment in again anyway?

But from the one experience that I’ve had, I don’t want people going around bullying this guy and giving him this level of shit from this one event. I want this place to be better than Reddit, not a clone.

And now I go back to begging for money because my life is its own misery filled wasteland.

I’m blown away by this petty behavior.

Jordan has now been banned from every, as far as I can tell, lemmy.blahaj.zone community due to his repeated doubling down of transphobic behavior in this thread.

Alexandrite but I tweaked the color a little

Alexandrite!

I’ve seen mods do that all the time on Lemmy but the thing that I’ve never seen was DMing them specifically to say don’t downvote me or else.

More that Jimmy was always just a figurehead. Dildo is too small of a town to really have a mayor itself. A lot of these tiny ass towns here in NFLD, like the one I’m from, are like that. They have a “Mayor” but not really.

So weird thing about the Jimmy Kimmel situation.

When Trump silenced him, he also silenced a Canadian Mayor. Did you know that Jimmy Kimmel is the ‘mayor’ of the town of Dildo, Newfoundland? A place I live a couple hours drive from?

If dude is threatening people over his own perception of a word… then yeah. He’s crashing out.

Also didn’t really put two and two together that he was that AtomicPoet. Jesus. This is even more sad then.

For real. Just as a recap…

1. Threatened to ban unless you agreed with him

2. Banned for disagreeing

3. Banned for downvoting

4. Threatening a banning for downvoting him

5. Banned for screenshots of messages

6. But isn’t a fascist